her heart has a mind of its own

have I fallen in too deep? Have i loved way too much?? i didn't really know myself anymore..or was it the other way around didn't i knew myself before?? am i trying to hide myself behind my apathetic facade??

my face used to be blank..my eyes betrayed no emotions and my words were ice cold.
and now, none of those remained. my mind keeps ranting on me, berating me how of how stupid what i'm doing with my life is. i'm trying my best to control my emotions but i can't take a grasp on it. i know this isn't where i'm supposed to be, i should be continuing my life and letting my past be.

i can't, i simply just can't

it always hits me whenever i realized that still, like always, he's the last person i'm thinking of before i sleep, that my mind is still consumed by my thoughts of him no matter how much i try to deny it, even to myself.

i know this shouldn't be me, because i'm supposed to be strong, indifferent and adamant. but here i am, stubbornly inlove with a person who gives me so much pain, excruciating, yes, a hell more than that.

what irritates me more is that i really have no idea why am i inlove with him!

he didn't even make it to my standards, like, if i'm my old self i would say that "with what/who he is..he isn't even an option.."

nevertheless, here i am, stagnant.

i can't even get myself to hate him for leaving me, for not even explaining to me. isn't that a load of crap??!

this is downright insane...

i really can't think how i've gone this far, but still,

would you believe me if i say..

I REGRET NOTHING?

yeah, we're here na tlga...

masyado na pala akong huli sa balita tungkol sa mga taong minsan kong nakasama sa school. sabagay, kelan nga ba ako nauna sa balita?


schoolmate ko nanaman ngayon yung dati kong bestfriend nung grad 5 ako, oo, tama, ex-bestfriend.(ibang usapan na nga lang pag kinuwento ko pa.)

kamustahan, kwentuhan, na nauwi sa chismisan.
paglabas namin ng SMMS , kanya-kanyang buhay na talaga kami.
may mga hindi na napigil ang sarili at nagasawa na, nauna nga lang ang baby.
may tinamad, tumambay nalang sa bahay.
may hanggang ngayon, first year pa rin, sipag nila mag shift
may suki ng 3, kung basketball yun, MVP na sila ngayon
may parang nakawala sa zoo, hindi malaman kung anung katarantaduahan ang unang
gagawin sa buhay
may pumapasok, nag-aaral, pero wala pa-easy lang talaga...(normal sila talaga)
at may mga nagsusunog ng kilay sa pag-aaral..(AMEN)



ano ako dyan? ewan, halo-halo, ginatan, kalamay..
medyo undefined kasi ako.


kung titignan, pumasok na nga talaga kami sa "real world" kung saan mabilis naming makikita ang resulta ng mga pinipili naming gawin sa mga buhay namin. graduate na kami sa pa easy easy na buhay minor.

naaalala ko pa dati, yung homework sa ibang subj, sa first subject namin ginagawa, minsan dun na sa oras ng subject na un na namin ginagawa, pakapalan nalang. e ngayon, meron o wala nalang. (parang sa akin lang applicable to??)


namimiss ko na mangopya, kasi hindi naman 1meter apart pag nag-eexam kami, at mas lalong hindi swapang sa sagot mga katabi ko before..=p
nakaka miss din yung pag nahuli ka ng teacher na nangongopya e puro sermon at parinig lang aabutin mo, e ngayon? kay dean ka mag-paliwanag.



tumanda na nga kami, sa edad at sa itsura, yung mga mukang totoy at nene noon, iba-iba na itsura ngayon.
may mukang nanay at tatay na, may pwede nang rumampa dahil sa sobrang pagka fashionista, may jologs noon, mas jologs na ngayon, at may hanggang ngayon, hindi pa rin makuhang maging masaya sa uniform nila( isa ako dun!)
nagiba man kami sa itsura, meron paring hindi nag grow up... growing old and looking old is cumpulsory, growing up is optional nga naman.
nasa amin na rin siguro kung gugustuhin pa naming palawakin ang mga pang unawa namin o okay na kaming makulong sa pagiging bata namin.
kung ano man pinili ng bawat isa sa amin, good luck na lang sa amin.



nakakamiss maging bata, i mean minor. kasi noon, hindi pa kami masyadong liable sa lahat ng mga ginagawa namin sa buhay namin, pwede pang makalusot, ngayon, kanya-kanyang diskarte na tlga, dahil mabilis pa sa jet plane ang resulta ng mga ginagawa namin. example, pag di ako pumasok, super duper, as in over sa dami nang mwawala sa akin maliban sa aking most beloved baon.^^,

minsan parang gusto ko bumalik, madalas natatakot akong humakbang pasulong.
lahat ng bagay pagpipilian mo, life is how you make it, sabi ng isang billboard sa santolan station ng LRT. e pano kung dahil sa immaturity ko e palpak pla mga ginawa ko? yung mga pinili ko? may iba pa ba akong masisisi maliban sa sarili ko?? WALA. ang masaklap pa, no rewind no retake, yun na yun.


pag nagkita-kita ulit kami, after 5 years siguro, panigurado mahaba habang kwentuhan yun. kung dati yung mga crush ang pinag-uusapan sa ilalim ng mango tree, ngayon, panigurado mas may sense na. panigurado, mas lalong ibang iba na sila, kami pala.

so to speak..

i don't wanna talk to anybody right now, because my talk won't really make sense.

aarrgh..

but still the same, i wanna talk, so this blog saves my day.

i'm starting to get tired of almost everything.

routine as usual

boring, that's how i chose my life to be.. and wow..it's really getting into my nerves already.

not that i don't want this damned life i chose for myself, it's just that,

yah,fine. maybe i don't like it already, or i just got tired of it.

school's as usual, nothing new..ow, there is!! i already have my cap and pin.

new patients on the line, new lives to deal with, as if i am any good at handling mine???

i'm starting to annoy myself for continuing this, because at this point, there's really no turning back.

(sabagay, sino ba may sabing i'm gonna turn back??)

i keep on letting go of the things and people that makes me happy..

my shoes...huhuhu, i hope you're in good hands.

maybe they're right, i don't have enough greed to get what makes me happy.

if they wanna get out of my life, the're free to go,

and as much as i wanted to stop them, i told myself not to..

because i know i don't have anything to make them stay.

i'm not happy neither am i sad...

i'm, uhm..wala lang..

all i want is a simple and tranquil life..is that too much for me to ask??

people tells me, i should be thankful of everything i have, and, I AM(is my sarcasm so obvious??)

i got my family, yup, biologically and technically speaking...

i got my friends as well, they're always there...and i'll always be grateful for that

but still, i feel so alone, i can't seem to connect myself with reality

nkakatawa, nakakaloka..minsan parang ayoko na.

i want to eat, ice cream with brownies and chocolates...

hah..ang babaw ko tlga, i need to fill my mouth with something

or else, im gonna babble some more..

aaaarrrrrggghhh...ice cream please...